Charlotte (CLB)'s LJ (berkeleyfarm) wrote,
Charlotte (CLB)'s LJ

Things Fell Apart

Starting about this time last year, a lot (and I mean A LOT) of "supporting equipment" in my life started breaking down. My laptop was wonky; I got its long-term battery issues and the hinge fixed, only to have its hard drive go slooooowly south. My car engine died completely (my fault) and even after the replacement, needed to get things fixed on a distressingly frequent basis. The dishwasher died on the first of June (I remember that for other reasons), then the dryer. Over the winter the fridge started making funny noises.

I was trying to pull myself out of a decline, but it felt that the Hardware Gods were against me. About the time the engine died, my friend Mark went into the hospital, and came out in a box about a month later. I was also struggling with the whole "working for a living" thing at my still-new job. So I really was in a "the center is not holding" mood. My life was out of order. About the only consolation was when someone who used to be a friend flipping her dry-drunk shit AGAIN and throwing other friends under the bus AGAIN, it didn't have a lasting negative effect on me (unlike the previous iteration). I was not holding things together very well but I figured at least I had much, much better reasons for being out of it.

In the general chaos, bills did not get paid, and things did not get renewed. It took me six months to get the renewal tags for my car (mainly because a couple of things had to get fixed so the smog could get done). The home warranty didn't get renewed, so I could not call a repairman and have them look at the dishwasher. I have been meaning to try to renew it but they're only reachable on weekdays and mine have been chaotic. But over Easter weekend, I finally got the laptop fixed (I punted and sent it out) and the car smogged and tagged. At long last, SUCCESS and CLOSURE in dealing with the issues that had been running since before Mark died. I realized that the dishwasher thing was cramping my style. I did a reconnoiter one weekend on a lark (arriving at the appliance store shortly before closing) and on the Saturday before Mother's Day, I walked in with my checkbook and ordered one.

It got installed last Saturday and already I have been doing more food prep for myself (since I don't have to wash the damn dishes as well). I brought my own lunch in to work most days this week. This should help with my ballooning weight because I can now do more Stress Cooking instead of Stress Eating, but more importantly, I feel like I am taking care of myself in a way that is sustainable.

New fridge arrives on … the first of June. I'm busy mucking out the old one and in general cleaning up a storm in the house. It feels good. I'm not out of the woods yet but I can see daylight from where I am.
Tags: dailiness, getting better, housecleaning, things fall apart

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