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The morning after

Last night after getting back from the party I made some phone calls and tried disappearing into a book. I was still pretty weepy in spots.

ayse phoned and we had a good talk. I went to sleep after double dosing on Nyquil again (throat scratchy, who'da thunk it) and reading Compline, during which I was thinking that Maya had often been on my lap while doing so. Maggie ended up being confined to quarters.

This morning I, of course, woke up with no lump on the bed, and no purring headbutts/grooming companionship, and with no furry-purry "admiring" me. (Maya did a good line in what cat_herder called the Nancy Reagan look. It was also a specialty of her Poor Fred.) It didn't hurt as much as I thought. I knew she was gone the instant I woke up, and I missed her, but I wasn't weepy. The picture yesterday had reminded ayse of The Queen of the Savanna, and I had been thinking Maya had a lion heart, and the lion heart had just stopped working due to old age.

Talking to ayse also helped me get over the idea that I hadn't said goodbye properly; I really didn't in some of the ways I would have liked (soothing chatter about you're my best pal, and I'll miss you), but 1) I was pretty freaked out when I found her and post-verbal 2) she did move her head and pay attention when I took her on her last trip Outside (which she loved) and 3) she knows I loved her.

I am still so glad that it was quick. Forty-eight hours before her death, I ended up confining her to the office becuase I was home sick, needed a nap, and she was sitting on me (she weighed less than five pounds at her death, but still) and headbutting me as I was trying to sleep. Twenty-four hours before her death she was wrasslin' with the vet staff. Scrappy to the end *grin*.


( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
May. 15th, 2005 09:28 pm (UTC)
I think we all did just fine in the props to the old girl department. My last visit, I petted her and we talked and I felt her bony little body and thought, "Well, this could be it. She's walking like Mehitabel." So, I winged a thought into that frail little body.

You took her for a walk around the house. "Yes, Maya, you are the Queen of the Beasts." Taking her to survey her Queendom was spot on. The right thing to do.

I got your message when I finally decided to deal with my answering machine. Right now, too many people want a piece of me, so I could not deal with it till after breakfast. I left you a babbling message, probably conflating Maya and Maggie's names. Oops.

I figured you were at church, which is a good place to be, because lots of people are there to love you up.

Let the Crown Princess out of the back, now, so you two can learn your new routines and, while you are sad that there are no headbutts, be happy in the new and strange wonders that the Blue Eyed Maniac will bring to your mornings.

May. 16th, 2005 04:28 am (UTC)
Glad talking to me helped. I'm also glad that Maya's end was so swift, and while you'd made The Decision, you and Nature had the same idea.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )