Charlotte (CLB)'s LJ (berkeleyfarm) wrote,
Charlotte (CLB)'s LJ

I hate this cold

The cold, which had improved on Saturday, came back with a vengeance due to all the crying I did over the weekend.

I hate it because I feel like I don't have enough energy to mourn. I have barely cried the last couple of days and I don't know if I am just stunned or actually working through things. I'd like to go digging around in my mail for the piece I did two years back when Maya had the burst intestine and dust it off and post it but I don't have the energy to do that. So it's holding me back from something.

The meds and the weird sleeping schedule did cause me to be up for a while in the wee hours on Monday night/Tues morning just like I was on Friday night. I did kind of stare at the now-empty other pillow on the bed, and missed her presence (as I have done morning, evening, and in-between since), but I didn't cry. (I did stroke the space in memory. I heard her usual purr in my mind's ear. She was too out of it to purr on Friday night.)

The weather officially sucks today. It does make me feel glad that Saturday was such a beautiful morning for Maya's last walk. I've had a lot of little moments like that. It's still very surprising how sudden it was.

  • The space between

    Although it seems like I spent a lot of time at church, or doing things that are related to church (peanut butter cookie-brownie combo things…

  • What a week!

    First - thanks to everyone who donated for Sasha, the homeless woman who gave me a hand last Sunday. I have been trying to reach her - have the cash…

  • The morning after

    I was born in 1961, the same year as President-Elect Obama. (Indeed, I am a few weeks older than he is. It's been another one of Those Milestones.)…

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.